Breathing

There's a new song I'm hearing on the radio pretty much every time I get it my car.  It's always a timely message because its about rushing around all the time, and most times when I'm going somewhere, by the time I make it to my car I'm already running late and rushing.  The song is "Breathe" by Johnny Diaz.  In fact, here it is for your listening pleasure. 

Most of the time when I hear a song as frequently as I've been hearing this one I get burnt out on the song and start flipping stations whenever it comes on.  So far that hasn't happened with this song.  I think mostly because it truly reminds me to breathe.  And breathing is a great thing.  There are many benefits to breathing, the largest being the continuance of living of course.  But when we breathe deeply it slows our heart rate, delivers oxygen to our brains, and allows us to make better decisions and respond from a more rational part of our brains.  Breathing deeply is like having a super power that protects us from our reactive selves.  I'm a big fan.  But sometimes we forget to breathe.  Honestly.  And why?  Many reasons, but the one I want to focus on is a disease affecting our churches, our communities, our country, and our world.  Its such a dasdardly disease I would go so far as to say its a cancer on humanity and one of our greatest threats to our livelihood. 

Want to know what it is?

It's Busyness.

And like a cancer untreated it grows and grows and crowds out the good stuff around it.  You can treat it, but a lot of times it creeps back in.  And for those who've beaten it?  They require regular monitoring to ensure it doesn't return.  Beating busyness requires constant diligence and intentionality.  None of us are immune.  

There's a theory in psychology and its taught across many disciplines including education and management.  You've probably heard of it before.  It's called Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.  It's illustrated as a pyramid with physiological needs (such as food, shelter, and safety) at the bottom, psychological needs (such as love, belonging, and esteem) in the middle, and self-actualization at the top.  The basic premise (and how I've heard it pitched in management classes) is that you can't expect people to reach self-actualization (being a fulling engaged, happy employee) if they don't first have their basic physiological and psychological needs met first.  So pay them well, treat them fairly, and you'll get highly motivated team members.  The theory also goes that as our needs are met on one level we begin to work on the next level, until we reach the pinnacle of self-actualization.  

So what is this self-actualization?  According to dictionary.com, it's "the achievement of one's full potential through creativity, independence, spontaneity, and a grasp on the real world."  In other words being all you can be (like in the army) or making all your dreams come true (ala Disney).  So who defines what your full potential is, or what our children's full potential is?  I'll give you a hint.  It's right there in the word self-actualization.  It's self.  And there-in lies the problem with our world.

You see for so many of us, we're past the basic physiological needs.  True it's a struggle for some and we have homeless in the US, but for the majority of us and our children, there is food, shelter, and safely.  Not always as much as we'd like, or the kind we'd like, but our basic need is met.  For many people also the psychological needs are at least partially met.  We tend to gravitate toward others like ourselves and find belonging in those groups and have the choice of what we want to be when we grow up and choose paths that make us feel good about ourselves.  So in the US, many people are looking at the self-actualization need and seeking out opportunities to better themselves.  Sounds like a good thing to do, but if you're not careful you can spend a lot of time on activities that actually move us away from true self-actualization.  And we do this to our kids as well by enrolling them in every kind of good and enriching activity known to man and then have to chauffeur them to all those activities which drains us and keeps us away from what's truly important, all so that they children can be more successful, more enriched, have better self-actualization than we had. So we perpetuate the life of busyness and in the end move them away from true self-actualization. 

So what is true self actualization?  Full disclaimer here that I am not a psychologist or a Biblical Scholar, nor do I claims to be. This is not profession advice.  This is just my highly unacademic anecdotal experience.  I believe True self-actualization for the believer is anchored in God and in being who He wants us to be, and focus on what he wants us to do. 

I think of Mary and Martha often. I can be a lot like Martha. I've bought into the notion that you have to be productive to have worth. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than checking some off my to do list. One frustration I often express about being a manager is that I can spend a lot of time and not have a lot to show for it. My work product has become far less tangible. To compensate, I revel in clearing emails out of inbox so I feel like I did something that day. Then I read in business publications that email is the enemy of productivity and clearing our inboxes doesn't count. And then I worry that I'm not productive enough. Jesus told Martha that she was "anxious and troubled about many things." Yes. Yes I am. Yes many of us are. And despite having such busy productive ways, Jesus also tells her that "one thing is necessary."  How many of us are neglecting that one thing?  Guilty.

I'm a full time working/career mom with a senior and junior in high school and an infant. We've simultaneously checked out colleges and child care providers. It is a busy time. A VERY busy time for us. We have the constant needs of an infant while watching over the shoulder of our senior and ensuring test dates and application deadlines aren't missed. We keep running the numbers for different college scenarios and seeing how they fit the budget. I go to work and come home exhausted feeling like I have nothing to show for it. My postpartum body is not what I want it to be and I'm very uncomfortable in it. And though my husband is home for the summer the control freak in me isn't satisfied with how he manages the household so I'm looking over his shoulder and imposing my way on the system. Add to this sleep deprivation that comes with an infant who is now teething and you've got someone who is anxious and troubled about many things and definitely neglecting the one thing. And it shows. I'm not very nice. My patience is short. I disrespect my husband. I nag my children. I neglect important relationships. And I know that mostly this is just for a season, but it would be really great if during this season I didn't permanently damage my most treasured relationships. 

So what's an overstretched girl to do?  

I learned over many years that my resilience in life is optimized when I am eating right, exercising, reading my Bible, praying, journaling/writing, spending down time with my family, and observing a Sabbath every week.  None of those activities sound very productive on the surface. None of those activities is what I would list in my self-actualization guide.  Yet, they are the essence of real self-actualization for me, because they are God focused, not self focused. And they are the opposite of busyness. When we take that time to plug into the Word and sit quietly in prayer with our savior we are rejecting the gospel of busyness and self-actualization messing our worth and receiving the gospel of peace.  Jesus did it all. 

Come unto Him all who are weary and heavy laden and you shall find rest. 

One thing is necessary. Take a moment. Breathe. Pray. I know it is so hard to "make time for" and I am one of the worst offenders, but it's essential. It's oxygen for my soul. 

It's been a long time since I've blogged. In my weary state I heard the opportunity for business travel and was overcome with lust for the uninterrupted sleep it promised. As a result, I am missing my family while I am traveling for work for a week and a half. In exchange for going away and leaving him with a house and the kids for that time I have promised my husband to return rested and refreshed and ready to support his endeavors, kinder, and more patient. It's a tall order and only possible if I use the time away wisely. One thing about blogging that helps me is that it requires me to focus on God. And I've got 6 months worth of topics that I have been wanting to write about. So my goal for these days is to work hard during the day and spend my evenings (when there's no travel or scheduled business dinners) focusing on God, praying, reading, and writing.  So be warned that blogs are coming :)