Schadenfreude!

Schadenfreude!  Such a delightfully fun word to utter.  The German language can be so percussive, and this word is no exception.  I've been thinking about it for a couple weeks now, walking around in my little world spitting it out randomly for fun in different ways, accenting different syllables, altering my volume, etc.  Schadenfreude.  SCHAdenfreude.  SchadenFREUDe.  SCHADENFREUDE!  SCHA. DEN. FREUD. E.  I think loudly and punctuated is the most fun way to say it.  You can almost see the German caricature spouting out angry consonant heavy words, gesturing grandly behind a podium.  Ironically my experience with German speakers and presenters especially is that they are rarely loud or angry in their speech.  My German colleagues are some of the most soft spoken people I have ever met, especially when speaking English.  In fact, their speech is so soft and sweet, I am often lulled into a slumber state.  Once I thought it was because I was always jet lagged when I was listening to a series of German presenters, but I've experienced the same phenomenon while stateside.  Perhaps they are compensating for the caricature stereotype.  I hypothesize that they are simple so happy to actually speak vowels that they just float out of their mouths in a sort of iambic pentameter melody that comforts and soothes its hearer.  I can picture Schadenfreude rolling off their tongues similarly in this sweet delicate pronunciation which conceals the very sinister meaning of the word.

If you're not familiar with the term, Lisa Simpson explains it in the video.  It essentially means "pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune."  So you know when there's that person you can't stand and something bad happens to them and you get all happy and excited about it?  That's Schadenfreude.  It seems to abound in today's world with politics and everything else so deeply divided.  People just devour the sufferings of their enemies, drinking them up until they're drunk on the others' misfortunes.  It doesn't even have to be someone you know, and sometimes its just for the entertainment value of it.  I'm ashamed to admit that the reason I've been thinking about this term so much is that I recently tasted it and encouraged others to do the same.  Oh it seemed innocent enough.  The occasion, after all, was only a mere sporting event, and it sure did seem that the object(s) of misfortune deserved to be cheered on to failure.  It was the Western & Southern open. There there were two individuals in particular, in different matches, who were such poor losers that I took much pleasure in watching their little meltdowns.  The one lady would throw her racquet to the ground.  The other guy hit a tennis ball outside of the arena out of his anger.  His best fits were off the court, and I didn't even know about them until the next day when a colleague showed me video footage of him off the court, in the hallway to the locker room, obliterating two racquets against the wall.  He just completely smashed them.  It was delightful.  I decided to cheer on each of their opponents in hopes that I could see the reactions of these two troubled souls.

I really should not have indulged myself in such delight at their poor sportsmanship.  That was wrong.  I should not have cheered in the stands with my guests from around the world encouraging them to do the same (though between us they didn't require my encouragement - perhaps I caught it from them).  To be fair, this was not the most egregious form of this phenomenon.  The Simpsons clip where Homer is thrilled at Ned Flander's failing endeavor is far more sinister.  Here it isn't a complete stranger pitching fits because he/she allowed their negative emotions to affect his/her game.  In the Simpson's universe, Ned believes Homer to be a friend. They are literally neighbor's.  How would any of us feel if our close friends or family were delighting in our misfortunes?  Not very great I imagine.  I suppose I don't have to imagine.  As a poor loser myself I was on the receiving end of much intentional and orchestrated misfortune during family game nights.  If, while playing parcheesi,   any member of my family had the opportunity to send me "home" they would not hesitate in the least.  They'd laugh maniacally as they moved my piece while I completely melted down in my chair.  It wasn't very nice, but it taught me much about people and life.

My Schadenfreude indulgences in life unfortunately aren't limited to the Western & Southern Open a few weeks ago.  I routinely engaged in such joyful glee throughout life as others received their earned "comeuppance", at least based on my estimation of the situations.  As a highly competitive person, who is prone to treating everything in life as a competition and treating all competitors as enemies, I admit I often would have to hide a smirk or my overall pleasure at someone perceived as competition messing up, whether it was academically or musically.  I still have to fight the urge when I see a jerk at work get their "just-desserts" either through a strong rebuke from senior management, or a pink slip.  As you can see I have much opportunity for sanctification.

My indulgences in Schadenfreude greatly harm my soul because these feelings are so far from Christ.  Jesus says to love our enemies, not delight in their miseries.  They also harm my soul because it causes me, in my failings, to project my own tendency toward Schadenfreude onto others.  When I made my big mistakes in life, (though praise the Lord - He has redeemed them all), I could picture all these people in life, all the "competition" if you will, delighting joyfully in my fall from the top.  High School Valedictorian turned college dropout, how absolutely delicious that dish must have been for them.  Did some relish in this?  Possibly.  Did many others not care one iota? Likely.  Were there others who were as grieved as I was? Definitely.  But my focus was on the haters, the ones who I thought loved my demise.  And that kind of thinking deepens despair.  Job felt this way in the midst of his troubles, "Surely there are mockers about me, and my eye dwells on their provocation." Job 17:2 ESV  The difference between Job and I though is that I deserved what happened to me through my sinful choices.  He did not.  Still that feeling of knowing or at least having some inkling that there are people who are mocking your pain just compounds your misery.

I often dealt with the threat of Schadenfreude by trying to achieve perfection in my life.  I couldn't give the would-be mockers an opportunity.  But perfection for the purpose of being above criticism and avoiding the twittering of enemies will make you crazy, typically manifested in severe anxiety, something else I have some experience with.  I'm going to let you in something I've learned.  You cannot control the thoughts of others.  You also cannot think for other people.  It is unwise and unhealthy to respond to other people based on our assumptions about what they have been thinking about us.  What we assume others are thinking about us reveals more about our hearts than it does theirs.  Why was I so convinced others were reveling in my pain?  Because I sinfully and shamefully reveled in theirs.

I feel a need to take a moment and pray for forgiveness over this.  Perhaps you feel the same.  Let's pray together:

Lord, we have sinned against you and against our brothers and sisters.  We have taken joy in the sufferings of others.  We have mocked our enemies when you have called us to love them.  We have projected our sin onto others, making faulty assumptions of their thoughts and motives.  We have been deceitful as we put on a facade of sorrowful solidarity for our brother or sister in their pain when we have secretly felt they deserved it and were even glad that it happened to them.  We have felt prideful satisfaction to see others suffer when we felt they deserved it.  Forgive us for our pride.  Forgive us for our lack of love.  Forgive us for not living according to your teachings.  Forgive the wickedness of our hearts and replace it with your love through your abundant life-giving grace.  Help us to esteem each other more highly than ourselves.  Help us to love one another deeply as you have called us to.  Help us love those who mock us and persecute us.  Help us to authentically and deeply weep with those who weep.  Help us to forgive those who have mocked us and who have enjoyed our sufferings.  Help us to repay with love only.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Schadenfreude, though fun to say and fun for a moment causes great harm to all involved.  It may take time to manifest, but the ugliness of this sinful joy will eventually catch up to us.  I think at its root is pride, pride in the form of insecurity.  When we are not able to grab onto and fully embrace the perfect love that the Lord has for us, we are prone to finding ways to elevate ourselves over others.  As a result, their failings make us feel better about ourselves and out situations.  Then what do you get?  Schadenfreude.  But God loves each of us so immensely, so deeply, more than anyone else could possibly love us.  It's such an unfathomable thing, so unfathomable I admit to episodes of doubt even outside of my depressive times.  Yet, my doubt makes it no less true.  When we allow ourselves to be filled with His love, and immerse ourselves in it through time in His word, studying, meditating, and praying on it, we are miraculously transformed to love one another more deeply than we ever thought possible, even those we don't particular find ourselves fond of.

What freedom there is in love that seeks to lift others above us, cheering each other on to good works in His name.  Let's douse Schadenfreude in so much love that it disappears entirely.  Let's replace it with Mitfreude - joy derived from the joy of others and Mitgefuhl - sadness derived from the sadness of others.  Or as Paul put it "rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15 ESV