Love Letter to the Girl Facing an Unplanned Pregnancy

This week, as a Christian community, we collectively mourn the many children lost over the years to abortion and we grieve for their mothers who faced such difficult circumstances that they felt they had no other reasonable options.  Having faced an unplanned pregnancy at 19, which caused much chaos and controversy in our family and in our church, I understand how the world, which once seemed stretched out around you full of options and opportunity, suddenly shrinks.  I know how the future turns completely dark, and you are unable to see or envision anything beyond the difficulties you suddenly face to provide the most basic needs for your new family.  I know how it feels as though everyone is judging and condemning you, piling shame upon you, magnifying your now obvious sin.  I know how you feel as though you've let everybody down, yourself, your family, your church, and your God.  I know how tempting the idea is that it doesn't have to be this way.

To the girl facing an unplanned pregnancy, I offer the following love letter, a letter I wish someone would have handed to me those many, many years ago.


Dearest Sister in Christ and Daughter of the Most High King,

Your circumstance, though exceedingly challenging for a season, does not define you.  Your life is not ruined.  You are not ruined.  Though you are presently engulfed in fear, you need not worry for your future.  It sits safely in the hands of our Lord, who is not angry with you, who still loves you, and desires to be reconciled to you.  Though your sin is no longer a secret, it is no more grievous than another and no less forgivable either.  In Christ you are forgiven.  Completely.  As Jesus has said, "go and sin no more."  This sin does not define you.  It will not define you.  Do not listen to that lie!  Your identity is in Christ, not in your sin.  How other people react to your situation is of no consequence to the high value Christ has put in you and in your child.  Christ alone died for you.  Christ alone defines you.  And to Him, through your faith in Him and repentance of sin, you are beloved, pure, and cloaked in His righteousness.  Those who would say otherwise are not speaking on behalf of the Lord, regardless of what they may claim.

Do not run from the Lord at this time, but run fully to Him, feast on His Word and commune with Him in prayer.  Continue to use your gifts to serve, honor, and worship Him at every opportunity.  Hold your head up high and boast of His goodness and His abounding forgiveness.  Pray over your worries.  Pray for your child, who is a beautiful blessing.  Though it may feel like a punishment now as you face new difficulties, remember that in the Bible, children are a blessing.  God has blessed you with a child who will show you how He alone can take something as ugly as our sin and turn it into something as beautiful as your new baby.  As your baby grows you will see more and more of the Lord's beauty in its laughter.  Your child will bring you great joy!  As you struggle to parent your child you will learn even more of God's perfect patience as a Father to us and fall deeper and deeper into love with Him.

There will inevitably be people who will say and do hurtful things to you during this time of trial and difficulty.  Some will even try to make your circumstance about them.  Remember that they are acting out of fear, fear of their own shortcomings, their own frailties and vulnerabilities, and their own unmet expectations.  Their reaction is not right, but you must forgive them anyway.  Do not go down the path of trying to "prove your worth" to them or to yourself.  Though spite is a powerful motivator it will lead to a bitterness that will rot your soul.  Your worth is not in your ability to perform, your ability to earn, your talents, your gifts, your status, your degrees, your accolades, your self-righteousness, or your socio-economic standing.  Again, your value is in Christ

You are on a new path that is likely not what you imagined for yourself.  But this is a path that, walked holding tightly to the Lord, will show you love and what the real important things in life are.  Your dreams are not necessarily over, but may be harder to achieve.  In time you may even find that they belong to the past and that your new future is something even better than you could have ever imagined.  Submit your hopes and dreams to the Lord, holding them loosely so that you may cling tightly to the best He has yet in store for you.

You are not alone.  You can rely on others to get through the difficult times.  You can ask for help and help will be there.

You are loved more than you could ever imagine.

With hopeful expectation of the bountiful grace our Lord is working in you, 

Your Sister in Christ and fellow Daughter of the Most High King